He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
