I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
