i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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