i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
