Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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