Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
