I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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