you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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