on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
