Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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