wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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