I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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