take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
