I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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