so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
