you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
