you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
