I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
