Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
