Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
