Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
this is an emotional support booty call
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize