you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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