I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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