We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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