Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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