how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
