I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
