I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
