you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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