you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize