Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
