and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
