Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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