guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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