oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He did a backflip because drugs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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