For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize