New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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