we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
