I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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