i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize