clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
