You're my little dorito
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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