He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
