Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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