i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize