I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
