The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
