I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
