why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
