Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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