Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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