I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
COCAINE IS GR8
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