I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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