well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
