is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
