Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
