Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
