Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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