I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
