I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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