we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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