you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
