the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
