made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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