you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
