Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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