Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
