I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
